My friend Nicole was just featured on the Today show in a story about “Mommy Envy”. This is funny for several reasons, one being that Nicole is the gorgeous, always composed mother of two gorgeous, always well behaved kids. Sometimes when I see Nicole I think “I have GOT to get a haircut” or “I have GOT to get rid of these shorts that I paid $8 for and have now worn for 4 years”. Not because she does anything to make me feel like that; it’s the opposite! She’s one of the friends I have that I feel better, after I’m around her. But she’s just smooth, and self-possessed, and seems to have it all together.

According to her she doesn’t! She feels envy of her friend “with four kids”-that’s our friend Mary Jean, who I’m also “envious” of–because she’s super relaxed and I don’t think she ever yells at her good kids. Sometimes as I’m hollering like a fishwife (and watching myself from the outside) I think why can’t I just be calm and let this stuff GO?

What’s funny with the story (and the accompanying blog) is that when you read it you know that ALL of us feel some sort of mommy “envy” (even Natalie Morales!!) I think it’s a testament to everyone wanting to be their best (not necessarily THE best, just their own best) and by definition when you’re a mom sometimes you’ll have lollipop stuck to your shirt, you won’t have taken a shower that day, you’ll be wearing grubbies, and you’ll be toting a 35 pound kid down the street because she’s just skinned both her knees and needs a little love (just ask my neighbors! “Sometimes” this happens!) You’re not “the best” or even “your best” then. But I think-I guess-you just have to let it go.

But when the stories are “Mommy Envy” or “Alpha Moms vs Beta Moms”–it’s natural to keep the stereotypes going. The Alpha vs. Beta is those moms who are go, go, go–always have everything prepared, clean perfect kids, etc, vs the “Betas” who pass off store-bought for home made at the school bake sale, who lose kids report cards, etc. “Today” illustrated it by showing a clip from “Desperate Housewives”…where Lynette is sitting under the soccer goal, and crying b/c she’s a failure–and Susan and Bree talk about how it’s tough for them, too…this only makes sense if you’re a “DH” fan, but at the time, I remember thinking “THAT’S how I feel!”.

That was Natalie Morales’ reaction, too–”Oh good, I’m not the only one!” Point is, none of us is all alpha or all beta, I don’t think. All of us think our friends are doing it better. For right now my kids are small enough that they think I’m doing it right, but I’m sure there will come a time where they will be HAPPY to tell me how many of their friend’s moms ARE doing it better.

But now that I’m old and wise, I know that MY mom did it right (even though I’d told her often SHE was wrong). So I just have to keep doing it as right as I think I can. And not be jealous-or envious-or classify myself as an alpha or a beta. And ignore the media, that does.

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