Standards have dropped to an all-time low around my house. I started out so well, saying NO tv for my kids, eating nutritiously, blah blah. And I look at myself now and I’m ashamed, ashamed I tell you, and I am fully aware that my twins are going to be going to college NOT knowing how to read wearing DIAPERS and it is all my fault.

With Emma I read to her on and on (an on) and I had the patience and tolerance for all kinds of books (even the stinkers, and for more on that you can read away…

I feel like the twins should be potty trained by now; Emma was. They LOVE all things bathroom related-toilet brushes, toilet paper, and they are quick on the scene as the “Flush Brigade” cold-cocking each other for the right to flush whenever anyone ELSE uses the toilet…

Which brings me to a sidenote. My husband in his quest for total privacy (I’ve given up which goes back to my original point of a lack of all standards) has been bellowing about our non-locking door on our master bathroom…so when he’s up there for hours on end, the girls are able to go and rattle the door. I bought a new doorknob and got all the tools together to install it and it’s “Easy”, it says so, and SURE ENOUGH the old stupid doorknob was installed one quarter inch off so even though the new one is installed properly it still won’t work. So I figure out a way to McGyver it up and got a paint stirrer, measured out a quarter inch, sawed it off, installed that, installed doorknob piece over it, and it still won’t work. And took up my time. And made me say bad words. A further proof of the declining standards.

Every single week I say I’m going to potty train the twins and then I look at them helplessly and buy another $35 worth of diapers, every single week, at the BJ’s. And potty training’s the least of it! My hard and fast “No TV” has so gone by the wayside–the standards of what’s educational now include anything on HGTV (my almost four year old can compare and contrast “Designed to Sell” and “Househunters” in well-reasoned arguments, episode by episode.) It used to be just 20 minutes of Elmo each AM, I’d fast forward through the rest of it…now that precious hour is the sweet, jealously guarded part of my day where I can enjoy a cup of coffee and read something ON MY OWN. I have been letting the almost four year old watch “Survivor” as educational because they show exotic animals–only because by Friday afternoon, when it’s prior to her nap, I’m DONE and that 45 minutes of chilling out with her is about all I can take!

And I can’t fight the dress code anymore either…she’s been wearing princess gear for a full two weeks. In public. Complete with dress-up shoes taped together with packing tape (since they broke because of frequent wear).

The one rule I’ve stuck to my guns on is nap time (because let’s be honest, we all need their nap time) and even when almost four was never, ever sleeping–she still had quiet time in her room. And now she’s back to napping. So even though it’s partially self serving I am still feeling like a good parent there.

What’s gone by the wayside at your house? And would more time make it better? (I’m not sure that’s the problem here…)

I’m always amazed at how many people are actually reading this blog. Perhaps this is because I spend my days seemingly talking to myself as my three children have become extremely listening challenged, my husband tunes out a LOT (granted I say a lot) AND I just realized that my mother has begun doing exactly what Kirsten (my friend) used to do…that is, let me talk and then say appropriate things and REALLY THEY ARE NOT LISTENING AT ALL. Kirsten even told me “I just let you go on and tune out 3/4 of what you say”. Great.

Well, for those who ARE reading the blog a quick post to say that I’m trying to plan for Spring events in Washington, DC; Boston, and NYC. I am looking for someone to help with PR in each market and I’m perfectly amenable to hiring a mom to work on her own terms in each market assuming said mom has good connections and ideas. So…let me know!!

And I’d love any thoughts on partnerships and potential sponsorships…

I spent Friday at the Babson College “Women’s Leadership Conference”–a great event celebrating some of the accomplishments of women. Of course there was the inevitable feelings of “I could be doing x, y, z” but I’m starting to just GET OVER THAT and be secure that the choices I have made are my for now choices and I have to make ‘em work. For more on my previous introspection feel free to read my earlier blogs blah blah blahing about it!

Anyway I was in one panel led by Eliza Shanley, from Women@Work, and Linda Stewart, from EPOCH–both of whom have great ideas and great business models–I hope to be able to work even more with Eliza at future Detours events, as she does recruiting for those trying to ramp back on after time off…and Linda’s company is focusing on those who have not-quite-finished a successful career. She helps to place senior level financial services professionals in project work, and writes an interesting blog about the changing dynamics of the workforce (ie, somewhat like mine but more scholarly and less issues dealing with children and their foibles)…

Linda and Eliza were speaking about the changing workforce–how, shortly, there will be a shortfall of MILLIONS of workers, which should hopefully help put more employees in charge of their own careers. The conversation turned to how to develop flexibility within your career.

There was a gentleman (one of very few) there who relayed his experience. He talked about how, as a senior manager of Cadbury Schweppes, he had two of his best marketing folks come to him, having announced their pregnancies within 3 weeks of each other. These two women asked for the ability to work part time–at this point, hadn’t been done at Schweppes. But his point was that these were his BEST–that if they went to 3 days a week, he knew for a fact that he’d still be getting 6 days a week of work out of them.

He (I wish I’d gotten his name) ended up flying to London and meeting with Sir Cadbury (Sir Schweppes??) himself and introducing the concept–to, as he put it, the chair of the “staid old British company”. The instant response was “Why would we do that?”. His answer, unequivocably, was “Because these are my best”. And they went for it…and it went wonderfully.

His advice was twofold: One, if you’re going to ask for something–you need to be great. I think that’s actually good advice–you need to be good at what you do, confident in what you do, recognized for what you do. And two–you need to have a sponsor. It’s a REALLY uphill road if you’re the only one fighting for what you want–be it flexibility, a project, anything. I know that that’s the battle I face now–it’s daunting. So I thought that was valuable, and it reminded me of what Carol Fishman Cohen said at our event–about the senior partner in the law firm who never once let anyone have any flexibility until his lawyer daughter–for whom he had paid years of tuition–had a child and herself needed some flexibility. It’s different when it’s personal–and if you can establish that wonderful sponsorship with someone, and have them advocate your greatness–not just have to go it alone–it goes along way.

More on the conference later…

How does anyone ever take a good family picture?

We had this credit won from some silent auction or something so we decided we’d clean everyone up and go take a nice family portrait. I scheduled it for 11, NOT 10, giving us plenty of time to pull it together in the morning. This left plenty of time for the twins to push each other’s buttons beyond all belief—both of them alternating between snaking the other one’s toy and running off, and throwing themselves on the floor in hysterics.

Meanwhile I was trying to reason with the almost four year old that princess crowns and too-small dresses are NOT for family photos. Arguing with her over hairstyles. Doing the hair, trying to get dressed, hair is immediately undone.

Everyone to the car. Into the seats. Start the car. And for maybe the five zillionth time, my car battery is dead. This is because certain people who are almost four continue to turn the interior lights on when I’m not looking and leave them on. GRR. And the keys also might, maybe, have been in it. (Note to all potential car thieves, I’m NEVER leaving them in the car again).

So there I am late as usual in my somewhat nice outfit and heels trying to un “Latch” 3 seats that are comfortably ensconced in my SUV (read: stuck in 6 months worth of food and dried up juiceboxes) and we’re shoving them into the backseat of “Daddy’s Noo Car”.

All they way to the studio they’re singing a happy song about being in “Daddy’s Noo Car” and even dancing to Bruce Springstein. A festival of joy. We get to the studio and…literally…the photographer asks me “Are those twins depressed”? Wouldn’t smile, wouldn’t sit. GRR. I’m trying to think of anything to make them smile (while the photographer said “Don’t antagonize them” which antagonized ME) and I’m saying Elmo! Monkey! We went to the beach! And…even, “We yell yay when we go on the potty!” WHAT?

So thank God the sitting was free because there might be a usable print of my husband, MAYBE, but that’s it and then off we go on our way home with everyone sucking lolli’s (given to them for bad behavior? By the photographer) and my husband bellowing “Don’t stick the sticks to my car—this isn’t mommy’s car” by which I mean, I assume he won’t be eating sprinkled donuts and leaving droppings from here to creation. Oh and everyone was LAUGHING and SMILING and having a blast (no cameras were in sight).

We got home and I vaccumed up 6 months of disgustingness from the seats, re-installed the carseats, and thus a one hour photo shoot turned into 3 hours of annoyingness…

Being a mom is just all glam.

My sister just returned from the Peace Corps and is adjusting to life back in the US and thinking about looking for a job. I was on the phone with her the other day, and gave her a lecture about how she has to stop stressing herself out by looking for the job that she will have for the next 40 years. It seems sort of obvious—a silly thing to say—but she called me back an hour later to say “Thanks! You’re RIGHT! I need to stop freaking out and find a job for a year or so that may lead to something!”. She roused herself from a marathon of “So You Think You Can Dance” to go surf the web and come up with some ideas and a plan. At least, till “Dancing with the Stars” came on. An unfortunate by-product of her lack of TV for 2 years is a sad addiction to insane reality shows now.

Good advice, right? That’s what I’m told all the time. As a mom, one of the things that I have to keep focused on is “nothing is forever”. What I’m doing now—not a “career” job, just a job—doesn’t have to be my job for years or even A year. So I dispensed the advice, then I sat back and thought Geez, I DO have to take that kind of advice too. It is so, so easy for me to fall in this pit of feeling trapped and then the accompanying feelings of distress, boredom, feeling like I’m wasting time, etc etc and I go into this dark place.

I WANT to do good work I care about, I want to matter and not be at a company that constantly dismisses my accomplishments because I’m not on a promotion track that they’ve made up—how to find it?? Well…maybe it’s not right now…as my good friend told me on the phone pretty soon after I dispensed my advice “GEEZ! Cut yourself some slack! Your kids are so little–maybe you don’t have to have that killer job now! Just hum along for a while and then the killer job will come–when you’re not worried about 3 under 4!”. I need this advice to be given to me repeatedly and I also find I need the validation (over and over) that I’m doing the right thing.

That’s what I put the forum together for. And at our first event, I loved hearing what Anne Weisberg from Deloitte said about how more companies are going to be going to flexible schedules, to project based work—how they’ll HAVE to because they need the people! I’m interested to hear of other people who have been successful in doing work they care about, work they like—and balancing said work with a flexible schedule.

I’d also LOVE to hear from anyone who successfully job-shares?

And my sister would love to hear from anyone who’s up-to-date on “The Biggest Loser”.