Thank goodness it’s hurricane-ing or tropical storm-ing–or something, there’s a lot of rain, here today because it gives me an excuse for utter and complete laziness. I feel totally wiped just as I was going to start working on renewed self confidence. I’ve been reading articles and books, including the just-released The Comeback, by Emma Gilbey Keller (who’s keynoting our Fall Richmond event) and it seems I’m not alone in the feeling of mom ickiness. In fact I had to look no further than facebook, which as I just reported IS exactly how far I’m looking at any given time, to read a friend’s lament that the contractor on her house said to her “Now how old are your grandchildren?”…about her CHILDREN. How are we supposed to feel peppy and pretty and energetic with that kind of crowd response?
How, in fact, is it even worth it when yesterday I was just trying to fight the battle of the disgusting house to come upstairs and find the co-conspirator princesses had mixed with equal measure one (1) bottle of self-foaming soap with one (1) [expensive] bottle of olive oil. Their intention wasn’t to put it all over the floor–that was just a side benefit. Their intention was to fill their swimming pool with it–the blow up pool was sitting with a forlorn 2 inches of water outside our house. But two inches of water and soapy oil makes one disgustingly greasy mess. Plus they were all slicked up like old men on a Miami beach so every time I caught them to scold they slipped away.
A month or so ago they “helped” by dumping an entire bottle of wax on the floor–that was a pain to clean up but darned if my floors didn’t like shiningly awesome afterwards. Olive oil makes your floors shiny but NOT awesome. So clean up clean up as usual and that’s why I feel like it’s not WORTH it to even put on something different than shorts and a polo shirt, barely worth it to pull my hair back, never worth it to put on lipstick, unless I’m actually working.
Then, we went out last night to go see everclear, an over the hill band playing for free for us over the hill used to be hipsters, and I slapped on some lipstick and nice jeans and certainly did feel good. Especially when my fanciest princess made a point of saying Oooh Mommy, you look pretty with lipstick.
I can see the need for self confidence but I can also see how quick and easily it is lost.Because it’s pretty easy to feel bad as a mom (like if your kids grease your floors on your watch or any myriad of other parenting disasters). Then you (I) suck it up in an office, suck up lots of stuff everywhere, and for me at least there’s always the need to put everyone else first. Even last night I was watching the drummer pounding away and thinking how I’d wanted to take drum lessons which is a really really weird thing to want. And not marketable.
I’m going to figure out something of “mine” though. Not drums but something. And I remember last New Year’s declaring 2008 “my” year, where I wasn’t going to take any c-r-a-p. I guess now my best bet is to start preparing for 2009 to be the year of me. But for today I’m going to wait out the rainstorm in a bout of laziness and at least not try to feel guilty about it. And I’ll gratefully welcome any ideas for keeping confidence up.