The latest manifestation of my ongoing figuring-out-what-I’m-doing-with-myself is this weird thing that as I drive my kids around – most recently, to a series of doctors appointments with a soundtrack of holiday tunes mixed with coughing, awesome – I keep peering into offices big and small and I am fiercely jealous of what is going on in there.

Offices big or small – I’m in the ‘burbs of NJ so we’ve got them all, from pharmaceuticals to a spiffy new L’Oreal headquarters to small obscure who knows what they do offices – I go by them and I wonder what the staff is up to, and imagine the fulfilling life I could be leading if I went there everyday.

How absurd. The last “real” job I had was in a similar office park and I made it a point to spend as little time in said office as possible. I hated it – from the stupid gossip to the even stupider office I had (they moved me into an old mailroom with no windows and cords hanging randomly about). As I figure out what kind of a job I should pursue, if/when I pursue, I’ll make it a point to limit office time, I think. So why the envy?

I guess it’s the set schedule? The something firm to do? Is it that I know that whether the folks are doing something or not, they’re getting paid? Is it that they are wearing something other than jeans and a sweater, that they have a reason to put on makeup? That they are in CHARGE of something?

It’s also grass is always greener – I know that, sensibly. And to be honest, as I’ve spent the past couple weeks really disengaged from all work and trying to be a better mom to my kids, I am feeling a sense of peace and feeling the stress ebb from them. Also starting to feel boredom set in with a feeling of what’s next.

I think in all honesty though only the constant soundtrack of three coughing kids could make a NJ office park look like good times.