Archive for March, 2010

From my partner…

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

Hello, friends and partners of Meghan’s, and of Detours&OnRamps. I’m Lisa;  I have been working with Meghan on the D&O events since late last summer. It has been such a pleasure working on important issues such as balancing our work and family lives, gaining flexible work options, and getting back into the workforce.

Meghan has asked me to blog a few times for “the audience”, but I have been reluctant because I have felt that I did not have anything to share. I never want to write just for the sake of writing. But about a week ago I realized I do have some stories and insights to share.

Before getting into those stories, background:  I am similar to many of you. I have had my stint in the corporate world, had kids, and felt the need to change things up with my career. My corporate background began in human resources, moved into training and development for human resource systems vendors, then to sales engineering still in the HR software world at Lawson Software, then eventually into internet business development at Lycos and most recently Monster.com.

While I was at Lycos I had my first of two boys and after being laid off, I needed to determine next steps for work or a new career. I struggled about going back full time, knowing that my husband and I would try to have another child within 3 years, God willing. So I did various part time jobs and had a wonderful mother-in-law that was willing to watch David while I worked a few hours a week. Then I moved onto a working from home gig, 20 hours a week. Shortly after starting this job, I became pregnant with my second, Drew. So I did this part time gig for the next year or two. When Drew was a year old and David was three my husband I decided it was time for me to head back to my profession and to be earning something more substantial than what these part time roles were paying. We were planning on my husband going to back to finish his master’s degree full time within a year and we needed to be prepared financially.

So I headed back to work, fours days a week and having fun with it. It was a great role in a great company with wonderful people. Then again, life threw us some changes and I decided to depart Monster.com to be home with my boys after my husband finished his degree. We made it through two long stressful years of juggling two jobs, a family, and an intense masters degree program in theology, not a light subject. I and the kids needed to be spending more time together so my husband and I agreed it was time for me to get out of “corporate”.

I began a new career path in what I feel is my calling, to help others in their search for work that first, works with their lives and secondly, is something they are passionate about. Since my transition out of “corporate” in July, I have had many interesting insights and stories. One to share with you next time. Until then enjoy life, today, and thank you for letting me introduce myself to you.

- Lisa “A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”

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Role Models

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

I just read an interesting perspective on how our views of good mommies change as we become them ourselves (or at least become mommies and doubt the good part). As Kristen points out when we are in the situation the faxed homework seems normal when before, as a casual (or judgemental) observer, it seemed the embodiment of bad parenting. You never know what you’ll do until you’re in a situation – of course, for instance, your hypothetical child will eat veggies and fruit, will never have more than one cookie, and will clean up each activity upon finishing it; your actual 4 1/2 year old twins will only eat chicken nuggets shaped like dinos, leave a party on a sugar high induced by 6 cookies, and will be the on the receiving end of daily mommy tantrums to “CLEAN UP THIS STY”. Not that I have any experience in this regard.

We do grow older and wiser (and maybe more tolerant of dino-based diets) but this article about bosses and role models also made me think, when paired with a conversation I had with a friend over the weekend who is considering mommy-hood and wondering about its effect on her career. She is at the crossroads of “Do I stay at my job for the benefits or look now before I have a child?” I remember staying at a job I should have left. SHOULD HAVE LEFT. But I knew that since I’d worked for my boss, a woman, loyally and kept everything in the department afloat for 3 1/2 years, that I’d have some freedom after having a baby – perhaps I could telecommute a couple of days. I knew where I stood.

Until I came back and found out where I stood was in quicksand. Without kids I was a loyal employee who stayed all night cleaning up messes and shouldering all the work. With me gone on 8 weeks of maternity leave, the emperor was exposed without clothes – and the productivity of the department came crashing down. I came back to fix messes, and messes there were – and long story short, the job I’d loved turned into a nightmare (an earlier post included the gory details; friends who lived through it, with me, laughed at the post and thought maybe I shouldn’t have it “out there”, in cyberspace…so catch me over a glass of wine and I can fill you in if you’re interested!)

The lessons I learned were 1, never to count on a job that’s not in writing, or flexibility that’s not guaranteed…even if you’ve seen others enjoy it. But 2, never to feel trapped. Because I did; I remember sitting at my kitchen table crying, thinking, “I want to spend time with this little baby I have, but how can I get a job that will let me do that?” I thought I had no options…until I quit, and consulted, and options came along. And 3, make a plan for a career that is shifting and changing and takes into account the shifts and changes of life. That’s what I’m trying to advise my friend…to do what’s right for her and let the career pieces fall…because as awful as the last days of that bad job were, thank goodness I got kicked in the tush and the door hit me on the way out, because otherwise I might have stayed and sacrificed my life and ethics for a place that wasn’t worth it. I think to a later job, that I threw out there “I can travel a ton! I can be your go-to girl!” AGAIN, thank goodness it didn’t work; I’ve watched my girls grow up (fueled by dino chicken) and for me, this is the right choice.

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The load is as much as you can take…

Thursday, March 18th, 2010

So, I haven’t been blogging up a storm of late because of the perpetual black cloud that is hovering – metaphorically and last weekend, physically – over my house and psyche.

Our family’s fallen victim to the times in that my husband is job hunting and as anyone, I’m sure, who has had a husband who’s job hunting can confirm, this does not make for lots of rip-roaring good times. It’s ups and downs of waiting for calls, slugging to interviews, waiting for callbacks, in a hiring atmosphere that is “crowded”, to say the least.

And job hunting for men is so different than for women. There’s so much ego built into it; I think there’s a measure of wanting to be able to provide (although luckily we planned ahead and we’re trying not to spend money we don’t have, unlike oh, I don’t know, the federal government – but this is not meant to be political!)

I’m trying so hard to not put a lot on his plate like extra child care, etc – and as a result there’s so much on mine between working and watching kids and keeping them happy. I’m not alone – I know – so many of you are in the same boat.

Then came the incessant floods of last weekend’s crazy rain. Luckily, for our convenience, our basement didn’t wait till the rains to flood – it gave a preemptory shot across our bow by flooding the weekend before, due to a broken valve or something on our battery back up (that never engaged but nonetheless is being blamed, by the plumbers, as the root of the problem – solely, I believe, because it is the one way they can get out of the blame). I went downstairs and found big wet spots under the carpet and was mystified until I opened the storage room to find 5 inches of water. So in came the water remediation people, out came the carpet and the padding and the toys and the computer and shockingly (and mysteriously) huge sections of the sheet-rock wall, which were perfectly dry. So now our great finished basement was a concrete hole of coldness. Not for nothing this is the spot where the children were exiled to play and where the beast was exiled to job hunt.

So then the odyssey of fixing it up began and we put in carpet as fast as we could to make it usable and then, last weekend’s rains came. I know I am so selfish. I thought of the poor people in Chile, and in Haiti, dealing with so much worse than I am. I thought of that as I prayed that we not lose power, so the sump pump would keep working and not flood the basement and the 1-day old carpeting, again. I thought of how selfish I felt as I saw the houses around me with water literally up to their first-floor windows; a kid in my twins’ pre-k even had to leave his home in a boat. Nevertheless, I also thought of how they say that God only gives you as much as you can handle, at any given time. So I thought to myself that God must be thinking “She simply cannot handle a flooded basement for the second time in a week”.

We made it through the floods, and I keep making it through these “dark days” one by one. And here’s two things making it easier. One, it’s finally sunny–it’s gorgeous, my kids are walking around in sandals, one claims to be moving outside…

And two, last night as I sat down with my list of to-do’s, in bed, I found sandwiched in between a couple a note from my 6 year old that said “Emma loves Mommy” with 5 exclamations. Sometimes it helps to know someone does.

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