I’m not talking about Disneyworld. I’m not talking about Willy Wonka. No, after my recent giving-birth experience I am talking about a wonderful place called the hospital. And I know that I’m not alone.

My experience didn’t actually start ideally if you considered the “start” dreading the 5 am wake-up that I had to make to get to the hospital for my 7:30 operation. I had a bad day that last day – that is a whole ‘nother blog entry…but resolved to go to bed early to get my last good night of sleep prior to new baby. And, the phone rang at 10:40 pm. Who would be calling me so late? Why, it was the hospital. Calling to say…we wanted to remind you of your C-section tomorrow at 7:30.

THANK YOU! Thank you for reminding me. Gosh darn it, I was sitting out here at 10:40 at night on my front porch, drinking a 40 of malt liquor, contemplating my giant belly and wondering about next steps – THANK GOODNESS you reminded me I had to be at the hospital tomorrow am as it totally slipped my mind. Since you’ve called me at 10:40, assuming I’d forgotten, I now have plenty of time to arrange childcare for my kids.

So after that auspicious start, I headed in, in the AM – having gotten no sleep (but of course I had childcare, though that had been a bit dicey for the week prior – our back up plan for if the baby came early was “Hopefully the baby won’t come early”). The operation was what it was, gorgeous baby born healthy, came out with her fist in the air in true Jersey-girl style…but then the nice part of the hospital began.

Here, in no particular order, is what is awesome about the hospital.

1. I couldn’t do ANYTHING. I mean, for the first day, I literally couldn’t do anything due to horrid, horrid nausea…but after that, I wasn’t allowed to do anything for 5 days but lie in my bed, read, watch tv, hold my baby, and get scolded not to do anything. I checked my I-phone for email but knew that doing work would only open a dark door of having clients expect me to work ON the operating table so I just tuned it all out in a way that I normally cannot, even if I tell myself to, even if I’m on vacation. One day, when the kids were out and about, my husband came and we watched a dumb movie in the afternoon, holding the baby, and it was quiet and no one was yelling at us to do this or that and I didn’t feel that I needed to multi-task as I do at home. Just sat around and watched George Clooney.

2. My children were in good hands. They came to visit, they hugged me, they asked for cookies. I gave them cookies because hey, I was in the hospital, why fight about cookies? So it was all EASY. I didn’t have to make up rules or enforce rules or find things for them to do. I gave them hugs and cookies. And they were watched by their grandparents while I lay around, holding the baby, doing nothing.

3. I could hold my baby, hug my baby, and then if I wanted to sleep a, the baby was usually asleep or b, I could call a WELL TRAINED nurse and say take my baby to the nursery. And then I could lie around and do nothing.

4. Everyone cared about ME. They asked how I was doing and cared about the answer – unlike at home where nominally, people care about me in that if I wasn’t there they’d arguably have to cook, clean, etc for themselves (the “etc” is EVERY SINGLE THING) but at the hospital it was about me.

5. Food was given to me. It wasn’t awesome, but I didn’t have to think about it or plan 4 additional meals for everyone else in my family. The last night, our hospital even did this awesome dinner for us – again, not delicious, but super thoughtful.

So I was in pretty bad pain, wearing a horrid gown, getting checked every few hours for blood pressure, temperature, etc – and I still, no joke, think it was better than my vacation to the beach. There’s the happy glow of anticipation of this new baby; there’s the drugs, of course. But I still can’t precisely put my finger on how I can replicate this experience other than having another baby which my husband has assured me is NOT happening.

Why can’t I just turn it all off at home for a day to replicate this? Guilt. Why can’t I relax on vacation and just enjoy that? Responsibilities to clients and kids chasing me around. All I’m saying is that I’m glad I had 5 sweet days at Overlook, and my next business venture may be to launch a hospital-type day spa for moms…responsible caregivers, a place to escape where you are NOT ALLOWED TO WORK…operations not necessary.

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