The recent lull in blog posts was due to a much-needed trip to the Bahamas. Like most of the northeast, between plague-like germ conditions in our house causing a round of coughing that began December 1 and NEVER stopped with germs being spread and re-spread, and the ever-loving snow that stacked itself in feet outside my door, keeping us all trapped in with the germs–we were going crazy. Not Charlie Sheen crazy but maybe, honestly, only one more antibiotics prescription away from at least one of us heading down that slippery slope.

So we took the kids out of school for a week. (gasp!) I was never allowed to do this as a school age person, myself; when I broached the idea to my parents, our Bahamas co-travelers (extra hands at the pool so Mommy could occasionally get in a margarita) I expected some flack, but they were like “Why would you even think twice? Do it”. Sure, this may have been influenced by my dad’s desire to get on the water slides without pesky lines of school age kids, but off we went and so glad we did. Needed that break.

So that was the first step back to sanity and then yesterday I headed back to the gym after a 1 month hiatus, caused by 3 influencing factors:

1. Plague-like germ conditions causing incessant coughing which might, possibly, elicit dirty looks when children were brought in public – (take a guess how I know this) – have I mentioned the sickness string? Have you, too, lived the sickness string? Is there any family in America right now that has not spent the last 3 months coughing and revolving-door-rotating through the pharmacy and pediatrician?

2. So much snow that I would have to pull the children on a toboggan to GET to the gym after which what’s the point of doing anything but sitting in the steam room?

3. The baby’s massive freakouts at being left in childcare, which allowed me to maximize my workouts at 3 minutes.

We re-tried the gym, yesterday, now that the baby can sit and play with toys and guess what? She was able to rally and last a full 40 minutes in childcare. So I ran and gained clarity and realized that so much of what I’d been preaching and advising, I’d been completely ignoring myself. Is it the spring feel to the air? Is it the fact that there’s ALMOST no snow left on my yard? I know that so many people are in the same boat as me – sick of the winter and the germs and the trapped in. But here’s what I also realized:

1. It’s easier to work out in my house, on my treadmill. (It’s actually easier to not work out at all). It’s also for free (both those options). So I reasoned why even pay for the gym? And thus the only thing that got me out the door, going to the gym, I almost cancelled.

2. I can get by without a constant babysitter and I could save dough. And sure it got crazy and the baby played with crumpled up PowerPoints as toys but we could do it.

3. The world at large was frustrating me so I was ignoring friends and even relatives and just getting through my days, exhausted and just relieved to be at the end of each day.

So those things combined and it was easier, more economical–to just “get through”. And I found myself starting to hate everyone I knew and also myself. And so, after the treadmill, I said, “Self! Pull it the hell together”.

I know, personally, that when I hole up with myself and become too introspective, nothing helps. I was talking to a mom-of-twins-to-be, the other day, and telling her that what kept me sane, when I had three-under-two-years, was getting out every day and taking walks, just to get out. And now that they’re a bit bigger, and it should be easier–I have got to shake my own self up. Get out of my house, even if it’s easier to stay in.

This blog is supposed to cover how crazy it is to be a working mom and keep so many balls up in the air. I’m using it now as a public forum to push myself to get out there, and not just use the winter blahs to let everything spiral down around me. The winter, the germs, the lack of people makes it so easy to get to a dark, grumpy, depressed place. In the spirit of shared experience, I know so many who walk that line. I’m going to try to take my own advice to actively try to walk away from that line. So that’s my public goal as the spring sun tries to melt that last residual snow…I have posted before about getting outside, getting dressed in more than sweats, blah blah blah. But I guess we all need reminders.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011 at 11:09 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.