I haven’t blogged in ever so long.
I could make up lots of reasons why but it’s because of three main things. One, I’m never sure anyone’s reading, so what’s the point? Two, I’m supposed to be engaged in money-making activities and/or raising my children. Three, due to number 2, I’ve been in the dumpers of late so who wants to hear me complain, if in fact number one is wrong?
I sat down today half listening to a conference call and staring out the window looking for the BEAR that is supposedly running around our town. Want a quick aside about the bear? Here it is. Last week he or she was at the elementary school on the playground. This week he went to 2 additional schools. He’s a bear that knows what he wants and what he wants is either learning or students. “Gosh, do you live in Wyoming?” you’re thinking. No. No, we live in suburban New Jersey. The state of the Jersey Shore train wreck of a show and, bears.
As I was bear-gazing I clicked into a blog I used to read, here and there–mommyland. They make me laugh with their crazy antics. And I was sad to see that they are breaking up. Not because of a fight, but because it’s been a good almost 3 year run and one of them has her real life to lead (I think along my first paragraph).
I go back and forth all the time on if I should keep this blog going, if I should keep this site going. The Detours conferences are an amazing thing–I love being a part of them. They’re also really hard and a lot of work and a tough sell in this economy. So a rational person might think, this was a great thing to have built, but maybe it’s time to say goodbye. And then, on that day, inevitably–when I’m feeling rational–I get an e-mail from someone saying ‘These events are so great” or “This site is helpful!” and I think how can I walk away from what I built here? From the days and nights spent at my computer trying to put this together, from the connections I’ve made?
In reading the mommylanders’ musings today I think that’s exactly where they’re at. Where are we going, but how can we walk away? It’s tough.
And something that one of them said also struck me: how the blog saved her, made her laugh when all she could do was cry. I know that if I can make myself think of my insanity and my tribulations in terms of how to make it funny for the blog, it’s a bit easier. Like the drive from hell back from Virginia. It wasn’t funny living it AT ALL but I still laugh when I read about it.
Over the next couple months I’m: moving (summarily being ejected from my house that I re-did every room of so someone else can benefit from my work. By choice, but still). I’m spending the summer in limbo (I tried to sell my kids on the idea of a winnebago but found the threshold age of when mom can become an embarrassment, at least in my family, is 8–my 8 year old was HORRIFIED that I’d drop her off for school in a winnebago). I’m unsure what’s happening with my work. My baby is standing firm on speaking 99% gibberish plus one word: Bobo. Her favorite book, Hug, has 3 words: Hug, Bobo, Mommy. She learned Bobo. Awesome. She makes us tell her all the words for everything, from which I can only deduce she intends to LEARN all the words. ALL. THE. WORDS. before committing to using any words.
All of this insanity and the epic failure I feel I am at raising this youngest child has made me blue. Has made me not want to blog but instead, made me want to lie on the couch drinking red wine and eating goldfish crackers and watching Deadliest Catch.
I have got to snap out of it. Only by laughing at the insanity of my upcoming months will I make it through. I’m going to re-enter blogdom by trying to find something hilarious about my insanity each day. Stay tuned. If in fact anyone is reading.