Last week Avon invited me to an event at the United Nations in celebration of International Women’s Day. I was invited because of the award I won last year, for the “Hello Tomorrow Fund”…I have to be honest, I had no idea what to expect when I went. I wouldn’t have even been surprised if I was shuffled to the back or made to collect coats (my “day job” has lately led me to expect the worst at all times!)   

Instead I had the amazing experience of sitting 10 feet from Andrea Jung, CEO of Avon, a truly inspirining woman. I was 10 feet also from Reese Witherspoon who is JUST as cute in real life as she is in the movies. They gave a private talk to the 12 of us winners (of the 100 overall, to date) who were there about how important we were and how inspiring we were to the folks at Avon…so nice! I was asking all the other winners, what they’d won for–amazing things like helping women escape domestic violence, helping women released from prison find jobs, and the like. I’d answer in response to “What did you win for?” “A forum for working mothers…” thinking that maybe that wouldn’t seem as “important”.  On the contrary. Everyone there said “That’s SO important!” And wanted to hear all about the forum, what options were out there, etc. Made me feel great, and inspired (it’s so important to have that periodic shot in the arm!) And like I was involved in something that was worthwhile and important. OH! And I even cried on the PATH train on the way home, as I flipped through Avon’s global brochure and found a picture of myself and my twins as an example of one of the winners. 

After our “private lunch” we then got to go to the big room where the delegates meet, where you can hang the translator-things over your ear (fyi: possibly the reason not a ton gets done at the UN is because you can’t hear a THING through those). So very exciting and made me feel very VIP-ish.  

Then I came home and my husband and the girls reinforced that I’m not, in fact, VIP ish at all. Or, that I’m important as a MOM, someone who needs to feed/bathe/clean/laundry sort/drive etc etc and celebrity meetings aside, I’d better hop to it. Regardless, gave me the push  I needed and I certainly encourage anyone who’s got a great idea to investigate the AVON Hello Tomorrow Fund, set up to fund women “changing the world and empowering women”.  

Here’s a (horrible) picture of me and Suze Ormon–a judge of the Hello Tomorrow Fund, and another women doing great things, for women…and I’ll certainly let everyone know if I start hanging out with Reese.

A little while ago a friend of mine was planning a vacation and she was on one flight with her kids while her husband was on another…I thought gosh, that’s really thinking ahead, and asked if it was because they were worried if the plane went down, their name would live on, at least part of them would “go on”. This was NOT, in fact, the case. The real reason had a little to do with her husband’s work schedule and even more to do with getting cheap flights.

Now I will say I am famous for looking for flights and trying to get great deals. It bothers me to no end to pay any more to airlines than I have to–even though I know I can’t win and it’s a scam like used cars…last week, I was looking for flights and within a 21 minute period saw a swing in fares of $90. Which, times a family of 5, is kind of a lot of money! I even CALLED the airline to insist I wanted the cheapest they could do and…didn’t get it. However sometimes the need for sunshine outweighs the need to win, vs. the airlines. So I took what I could. But a couple years ago, I remember flying to an airport “only an hour further away”, to save like $40. Of course, where we were going was already an hour FROM the airport, and then as you’re sitting in an unfamiliar place with your kid running amuck because you had to get there two hours early and it’s two hours away you’re thinking “I would pay ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY (ie at least $40) TO AVOID THIS AGAIN.”

But back to my friend. She told me that in fact she was doing all she could to get them all on ONE flight. Forget saving the family line…as she put it, “Child-care wise it’s going to be a lot easier if we all go down at once”.

This leads me in a roundabout way to the point of this post. Of course I never want to think about not being here and in fact flat out DON’T think about it. I remember growing up, my parents would go away for a week here or there and leave the written instructions that whoever was in charge of us (an uncle, usually, passing by and staying at our house nights, for safety, leaving us free to watch countless hours of tv and eat ice cream by the half gallon unsupervised, in the afternoon)–that responsible person in charge of us was left with permission to get us treated at a hospital, or what have you.

Now, my approach on this front now that I have my own kids has been to haphazardly write on an old menu or something in crayon that my brother can make decisions for my kids. But it seems that there is a better way! A friend turned me on to a new site, forms4parents.com. This is a site that was created by a mom and a lawyer and she saw a need, and filled it. All of the forms–covering every instance, and situation–are extremely secure and easily downloadable and official (much more so than crayoned documents). It’s extremely easy, extremely user friendly, and how great that a mom put it all together. It’s not just if you travel…there’s the right forms you need for babysitters, nannies, any caregivers; your child’s name and even a photo, of the child or the caregiver, can be officially posted. The information is secure and the forms have been thoroughly vetted. So: check it out and here’s to responsible parenting!

I’m not sure if everyone gets the February blahs or if it’s more centered in areas of horrid gray weather like, oh, NJ. Last year I went on a cruise which helped immeasurably; this year, I’m longing for beaches but dealing with situations such as losing out on a promotion because of my “flexible schedule” (read: working 90 hours a week isn’t enough) and semi-permanent house guests who are job hunting-helpful with the kids, don’t get me wrong, in between job hunting, but fairly stressed because of…job hunting.

A friend at work came in the other day with gorgeous new blonde hair…I’d love such a change but I haven’t even dragged myself to update the highlights, lately, which I usually do when I look at my hair and say “Oh God, it looks awful”. Which I DID do, about two months ago! Imagine the worst.

So here’s the latest in what I’m doing to make myself feel better. One, trying not to work all hours-last year, I was working every night on the Detours&OnRamps Forum until like midnight, after a day of working and kid-taking-care-of. I’m trying to give myself more of a break and relax after kids are in bed by watching tv. Enter the writers’ strike, and it’s that much harder, but I’ve prevailed by revisiting Survivor fandom, and including shows like Las Vegas in my repetoire. I believe I’ve blogged about Las Vegas before, the most embarassing show it is possible to watch and like-but on the upside, as far as I can tell there aren’t any writers for it so it hasn’t been affected by the strike. It is so preposterous and out there that I can one thousand percent escape reality when I watch it. However, I found myself last night TEARING UP over the story line!! (Give me a bit of a break; it was the season finale). Also finding myself wanting some of that “Las Vegas” lifestyle–parenting in high heels, gorgeous clothes and flashy jewelry…yikes.

SO I was then watching Jon and Kate plus 8 which inevitably makes me feel better. Because the madness of their lives with eight kids is similar to mine though I only have 3–but I make myself feel better thinking how they have producers and the like to help them and I have only me. I love that show because as crazy as their lives are and as crazy as it is to have SIX three year olds–they so, so love them. That is nice and reminds me how much I love my own. And reminds me I should maybe not yell so much even during the twins’ all night “No Sleep Till Brooklyn” Dance party.

And then, today, what could have been the worst of all feel BAD experiences brightened my day a bit. I was given the distinct honor, the privilege, of spending 6 hours in “Defensive Driving School”. Long, long ago in my wild 20’s I got two speeding tickets and went to driving school then. I forgot all about this but was reminded by a friend who recalled me coming home with super-duper safety trips like “Consider wearing a helmet when driving a car…it might help in a crash”. I have since had a very safe driving record unmarred by tickets of any sort–also conspicuously absent any headgear. And then the other day, I was coming out of a shopping center and my charming and well mannered 4 year old was screaming her head off because I had denied her a bagel. (This was because, if you want to know, she’d been acting nuts at TJ MAXX and then when I said not to, she said “I LOVE TO BE BAD”). So I was coming out in one of those lanes that you have to go right to merge onto the road and I stopped, looked, saw no cars near, went, and got pulled over by a policeman who said I didn’t come to a complete stop. He was unmoved by the STILL yelling 4 year old or by my blemish free driving record and gave me a ticket.

A lawyer friend said “Pay the ticket and just go to driving school because that will reduce the 2 points AND hey, you’ll even save on insurance!”. So I signed up and got to spend 6 delightful hours today getting tips and ideas on better driving. The first tip I got was that your insurance company won’t raise your rates for 2 points and those 2 points would disappear in a year, thus my $65 and 6 hours…well spent? Maybe no. BUT, maybe if you consider my feelings of elitism and superiority having emerged from a day spent with NJ drivers–perhaps not the shiniest apples in the bunch–who all had upwards of 12 points and were (from the way they peeled out of the parking lot post-class) quickly heading for more. I literally felt like “OH MY GOD. I must be one of the smartest people in the WORLD if this is my competition”. Of course none of them were there for only 2 points, so does that make me the stupid one? I’m choosing not to think that way.

Lesson learned: if you’re not getting fulfillment from your career, try somewhere else. Find your “feeling brilliant” place. And remember…there’s always Las Vegas.

While I am no doubt deluding myself in thinking my blog is being read far and wide, I did (as frequent readers may recall) encourage my friends and relations to keep up with me through blog reading…some of them are in VA. And since a Detours&OnRamps forum is in the works for the DC area, I thought it wise to reach out and start putting some pieces together…

And had a GREAT conversation with Whitney, from Mom-entum Resources, the other day. It was encouraging both personally and professionally. Mom-entum started in Richmond, and is focused on bringing quality part-time (or, not full-time) jobs to moms who want to work, at a level at or close to where they were–or at least using skills they’ve developed–while continuing to be able to spend some time with children. What was so encouraging was that Whitney said that a lot of companies that they are talking to are quite amenable to these types of arrangements as (gasp) they find it works for them, works for moms. They aren’t spending as much and still getting quality candidates to perform the work–moms are getting great opportunities but not having to sacrifice every moment with their children. These are the companies that are making a difference and our goal is to bring some of them to speak at our DC event–details of which will be available and published soon.

The other nice thing about talking to Whitney is something I find over and over in working on this event–there are so many great, smart mothers out there with great, smart ideas who are so eager to work to make things better. I guess that’s part of the premise of that new “Lipstick Jungle” show’–that busy women need supportive friends–I am guessing because the ads themselves make me so crazy that I refuse to watch it and start yelling about it every time I see an ad. Anyway, the opportunity to meet with and talk to people like Whitney is what’s so great, and what made that first October event really amazing…

So stay tuned for conference dates and locales soon, and certainly check out Mom-entum if you’re in the VA area!

I am a firm advocate of anything that helps make it better for working mothers or (as I think of myself) mothers who work. But yesterday on the Today show they were talking about bringing babies to work. I told my kids “Come see the story about watching babies go to work”. My four year old pointed out “Wait a minute. Babies can’t drive cars”. True, but even beyond that I am not sure I’m behind this one.

As an aside, when directed to come see the story about babies at work, one twin said “Barack Obama”. Why? Because she is MAD, MAD for Barack Obama. Yesterday she said “I love Barack Obama, but I love Elmo”. Like she had been engaged in a soul-searching over who she should love most. The answer to many if not all questions is “Barack Obama” (in this, she is similar it seems to most of America…relentless optimism, hope for “change”–though her trigger points probably lie closer to a no-nap policy then any big ideas of universal healthcare). We’re pretty Republican, so we’re not sure if she’s forging her own path, trying to “push our buttons” as the four year old says, or just really likes the B-man.

Anyway, I did a google search and it seems that there are companies out there doing this, and confining it to the babies’ first nine months–certainly a bit more reasonable as there’s a lot of sleeping going on (in theory) during that time. Still, it’s pretty disruptive. I personally have anecdotal evidence from THIS VERY DAY when I bribed my three “impish delights” (I think that’s how I’ll refer to them, en masse, from here on out…based on my last posting of their general naughtiness, yet delightfulness)…I bribed ‘em so I could treat myself to a fulfilling, rewarding conference call from work by putting them in front of Bob the Builder and WOULDN’T you know it it ended just as I had to say my 1 minute piece, thus I was blabbering about marketing while they were bawling about Bob from outside the office door. Awesome.

In an office, there arguably wouldn’t be the trauma of Bob ending, but what WOULD there be? Staplers? Computers? I mean, I guess mine all are over the “bring the baby to work” cutoff, but I still think what with technology today doesn’t it just make sense to let employees work a fair share of their schedule from home, where they and their baby can be happily engaged?

Still, at least it’s nice to see companies doing what they can to recognize that women want to stay productive.

I think this is endemic of trying to balance too much OR being locked home too much in the cold winter with my three delightful yet “impish” young ladies. I find myself looking longingly at my frozen tundra of a backyard and weighing if it is worth it to wrestle the three of them into mittens/gloves (they canNOT figure out finger placement) and coats and hats for 5 minutes of fresh air…thinking how far away summer truly seems and how small a four bedroom colonial can be when filled with said “impish” girls and myself.

Regardless of the reasons I have found myself in strange states of conciousness of late.
Exhibit A: I cry at all tv. Last week I cried at “Big Fat Loser” or whatever that show is AND at the Amazing Race (which I love, but don’t really care who wins–or so I thought) AND a little, even, when the Giants won the play offs. What the heck is that??

Exhibit B: I am seriously considering if it is wise to pursue a career in bartending–a job I can go to at night, forget my worries, and just dish out the drinks. I bartended in the past, the cash is good, and I find myself thinking this isn’t only FEASIBLE it is DESIRABLE. I know in moments of rationality this sort of thinking is a bit out of whack but what if I apply in a moment of irrationality?

Exhibit C: After a weekend of having the girls all to myself, those impish delightful wonders–my husband asked if he could go to a buddy’s to watch the Giants. I said “Sure”–even though it meant more delightful alone time, just me and the girls and the fun ritual that is bedtime (now that they can’t be thrown into cribs, bedtime’s joyously stretched to hours of chasing, cajoling, threatening, and crying–usually I’m the crying one). I said “Sure” because I was hoping and longing for a single hour all to myself–without any interruptions–and I was willing to sacrifice solo bed-putting for the privilege. Which I squandered by crying over the Race and the Giants.

Exhibit D: My conversations and my thinking and my goal setting are ALL accomplished with the help of my four year old, who I feel like is the only one I have rational conversations with these days. AND, are all accomplished with a background of SHOW TUNES. Did I mention we’ve been on a Broadway roll? Peter Pan is now sharing the stereo time with the King and I and the Sound of Music. So when I’m not being called Wendy I’m being called ON to yodel or decipher the lyrics to Sixteen Going on Seventeen…

So I can’t tell if I’m losing my perspective or losing my marbles…

For a long time I tried to keep this blog very on-topic business wise about the struggles I face balancing work, kids, and the OnRamps forum. But there’s only so much you can say about it, and I lapsed into tales of general “life balancing”; if anything, I am successfully keeping up with my friends at least one sided-ly through this blog! In fact, my Christmas note this year told everyone that if they wanted to know what I was up to, to read my blog. Thus I must give the update of the past 3 weeks, entitled “How I took on too much and am totally crazy”.

This is a condensed version and does not contain any swears, timeouts, or crying—which is not the truth for the extended real life version.

Trouble began when I purchased a dollhouse kit that promised “Easy Construction”. I knew of course that this was a lie; I wisely decided not to install electric, but still figured that with the help of my mom I could bang out most of it prior to Christmas so the girls could have it. Here’s my first tip: dollhouse building is a long, laborious process involving many little parts and much glue and many STEPS as said little parts are stuck together with said glue and you wait for them to dry. And just when you’re finished you get to wallpaper and paint and stain. And when you’re finished with that you have to re-paint where the stain got and re-stain where the paint got. And then you have to re-wallpaper where the glue dribbled. My older daughter (now four, not “almost four”) was “helping” me the other day and pretending to already play with it, using small sticks instead of a family since we haven’t purchased a family yet, and she had two completely accurate observations: One, “We need a grandma for our dollhouse family”. Yep. And two, “My dollhouse mommy is going out for a drink”. Amen, sister.

But a dollhouse wasn’t enough. I also entered into a bunk bed building extravaganza. This was brought on by one twin throwing herself out of her crib and refusing to stay put—so sooner rather than later we needed to turn mattresses on the floor into bunk beds since BOTH twins were operating an all-night dance party in their room and no one was getting sleep. A few nice days over Christmas was a blessing—at least I think—it gave us the chance to do the work outside, and by “us do the work” I mean I sanded with 5 different grains of sandpaper under the master woodworker’s instructions (my husband now fancies himself “master woodworker” which really means master mess-with-sawdust-maker). If it was cold, maybe we could have bagged it. But sand we did, then we stained, then we shellaced—MW (MasterWoodworker) did help, but balked when I told him to go shellac after he got home from work one night and it was maybe 15 degrees. And we didn’t have a light in our garage. I think the crazy had set in big time, by then.

So I shellaced in our dining room and then we commenced the building. I was sure we’d finish in two hours. Here’s my next tip: building bunk beds (even when you have all the pieces cut and stained and prepared over days of labor) takes a full day and is EXHAUSTING.

What I did learn: I cannot work on additional projects with MW—he and I have different styles (mine: get it DONE, his…let’s just say it’s a bit more methodical). Two: I must not, must not, must not continue to take on any projects that last longer than one day. I lose all interest in them. Three, I better get moving on these conferences because my side-career as a handyman has ended before it began…

I posted a while ago about a great quote Maria Shriver had, about how a big part of parenting is raising kids who are self confident and comfortable. I totally agree with that though fear I have perhaps gone too far. I think I mentioned that my almost 4 year old insists on wearing NOTHING but princess dresses, at all times. Luckily, she has a grandmother who can sew like the dickens and has been churning out a full line of satin and tulle wonders, which are in non-stop rotation around our house. I am BARELY able to wrestle her into a tutu for dance class, and typically if we have to go to a store, after the inevitable argument and tantrum about having to change, she will manage to maintain some air of “princess-ity” with accessories.

Case in point: we went to buy our Christmas tree and we always go to the same place, with a bunch of 20 something guys who man-handle your tree onto your car for you…they are pretty focused on their work, and not necessarily the kind of guys that might notice little kids in crazy outfits. You’d think. But our princess in training got out of the car in a fur coat (I am to blame for this as I purchased it–for one of her sisters, but still, I did bring it into the house–faux of course) and a wedding veil. This wasn’t any wedding veil–it was one made for a halloween costume when I was young and wild and single and dressed up as “Shotgun Wedding Barbie” so it had sparkly pipe cleaner hearts attached with bright pink flowers. She strutted through the Christmas Tree yard–one of the guys said “That’s quite a veil” and I said “It’s tame by the standards of what she WANTED to wear. I later heard him telling another of the guys “There’s a little kid over there wearing a VEIL”…which made me laugh as her outfit was obviously so preposterous that it penetrated their sort of overall indifference to little kids.

And not two days later she busted out same fur coat but paired it with a pair of pink-with-diamond-accents and pink lensed SUNGLASSES to go to Target. I delude myself into thinking “Aren’t all kids doing this?” but I think NO because people stopped their busy Target shopping to turn and look at her because she looked, to be honest, like a pint-sized P-Diddy.

She is totally self confident and totally (it appears) without a “taste filter”, as the sparklier and more diva-like, the better. But I did think to myself, as I looked at her familiarly pudgy little self the other day, GOSH. I hope she can always stay so self confident. And not to get on my soap box but this goes into how I hope that the work-world changes, even a bit, so she doesn’t have to sacrifice herself one day and not feel good about the career decisions she’s making. Because when you start to feel down on yourself at work (admittedly some time away for the princess-to-be and budding Cinderallas may face a different set of challenges, ie limited job availability) it’s pretty easy to digress into feeling kind of all the way down and “un-self-confident”.

But as far as self confidence goes–DOVE is running a great campaign for women’s beauty…very inspirational. And almost-4 shows no signs of backing down in her quest to continue to delight Christmas shoppers near and far with crazy outfits…and there’s another princess dress in the mail, as we speak.

Standards have dropped to an all-time low around my house. I started out so well, saying NO tv for my kids, eating nutritiously, blah blah. And I look at myself now and I’m ashamed, ashamed I tell you, and I am fully aware that my twins are going to be going to college NOT knowing how to read wearing DIAPERS and it is all my fault.

With Emma I read to her on and on (an on) and I had the patience and tolerance for all kinds of books (even the stinkers, and for more on that you can read away…

I feel like the twins should be potty trained by now; Emma was. They LOVE all things bathroom related-toilet brushes, toilet paper, and they are quick on the scene as the “Flush Brigade” cold-cocking each other for the right to flush whenever anyone ELSE uses the toilet…

Which brings me to a sidenote. My husband in his quest for total privacy (I’ve given up which goes back to my original point of a lack of all standards) has been bellowing about our non-locking door on our master bathroom…so when he’s up there for hours on end, the girls are able to go and rattle the door. I bought a new doorknob and got all the tools together to install it and it’s “Easy”, it says so, and SURE ENOUGH the old stupid doorknob was installed one quarter inch off so even though the new one is installed properly it still won’t work. So I figure out a way to McGyver it up and got a paint stirrer, measured out a quarter inch, sawed it off, installed that, installed doorknob piece over it, and it still won’t work. And took up my time. And made me say bad words. A further proof of the declining standards.

Every single week I say I’m going to potty train the twins and then I look at them helplessly and buy another $35 worth of diapers, every single week, at the BJ’s. And potty training’s the least of it! My hard and fast “No TV” has so gone by the wayside–the standards of what’s educational now include anything on HGTV (my almost four year old can compare and contrast “Designed to Sell” and “Househunters” in well-reasoned arguments, episode by episode.) It used to be just 20 minutes of Elmo each AM, I’d fast forward through the rest of it…now that precious hour is the sweet, jealously guarded part of my day where I can enjoy a cup of coffee and read something ON MY OWN. I have been letting the almost four year old watch “Survivor” as educational because they show exotic animals–only because by Friday afternoon, when it’s prior to her nap, I’m DONE and that 45 minutes of chilling out with her is about all I can take!

And I can’t fight the dress code anymore either…she’s been wearing princess gear for a full two weeks. In public. Complete with dress-up shoes taped together with packing tape (since they broke because of frequent wear).

The one rule I’ve stuck to my guns on is nap time (because let’s be honest, we all need their nap time) and even when almost four was never, ever sleeping–she still had quiet time in her room. And now she’s back to napping. So even though it’s partially self serving I am still feeling like a good parent there.

What’s gone by the wayside at your house? And would more time make it better? (I’m not sure that’s the problem here…)

I’m always amazed at how many people are actually reading this blog. Perhaps this is because I spend my days seemingly talking to myself as my three children have become extremely listening challenged, my husband tunes out a LOT (granted I say a lot) AND I just realized that my mother has begun doing exactly what Kirsten (my friend) used to do…that is, let me talk and then say appropriate things and REALLY THEY ARE NOT LISTENING AT ALL. Kirsten even told me “I just let you go on and tune out 3/4 of what you say”. Great.

Well, for those who ARE reading the blog a quick post to say that I’m trying to plan for Spring events in Washington, DC; Boston, and NYC. I am looking for someone to help with PR in each market and I’m perfectly amenable to hiring a mom to work on her own terms in each market assuming said mom has good connections and ideas. So…let me know!!

And I’d love any thoughts on partnerships and potential sponsorships…