I’m involved in some time management issues of late. Not unlike my builder.
“Oh, stupendous!” you are thinking. “I have so longed for some updates on the house that never would be.”
Glad you asked. When last we discussed it, my house was made of wood and wood alone. Now, it’s made of wood. With plywood stuck to it. That’s right, we’ve moved beyond the framing stage but only a micro-step. It rains nearly every day so he can’t put on the roof which would enable him to do all the other things inside (and enable us to live inside, eventually). So I drive by and very, very, very little changes. But my attitude does. Oh, it does, trust me. It gets worser and worser. Leading to time management issues.
Because what happens is that my fuse, which at the best of times is short, is now gone. I WAS, actually, doing better. I was being nice to the kids and not shouting and keeping calm and then suddenly the other day with no warning to anyone (including myself) I yelled a swear at a kid (it was not “fart” but it may have started with an f). She totally deserved it, it was her 1000′th freakout of the day, but still. I had been doing so well. And then bam–like as fast as when I was pregnant, without morning sickness at all, knock wood–and suddenly after eating chinese food I was like “I’m going to throw up RIGHT NOW”. In this case, I threw up a swear. At my kid. She’s heard it before.
The problem lately is that I have all my work to do and all my people (my children) want to manage my time and they don’t want it to be involved in work. On the RARE occasion that they attend school, I’m ok, but the Bee continues to stare at me with a new wrinkle: she yells Bobo BOBO BOBO at me. That is because she loves her stuffed monkey, Bobo, and thinks Curious George is him. And she wants to watch the same episode of Curious George that I shelled out a full $.99 for, on my iPhone, to keep her distracted on the plane one time–well, she just wants to watch that all the time.
I cannot let her. It will turn her brain to mush and be the reason she goes on drugs someday or doesn’t get to college. So I try to offer all the lame things around our house to do (HEY! play your legos. HEY! play your puzzle. HEY! Tear your sisters’ room apart). She doesn’t. She yells BOBO BOBO. So then we head to the gym (childcare) or head for a walk or head for an errand and I think to myself well, I’ll just do my work later tonight.
Here’s the problem. “Later tonight” I often want to: watch Castle, surf Pinterest, and drink wine. I do not want to do my work. I reason that I am grumpy and have had a hard day and I do not NOW want to do work. Instead, I indulge in my new hobby to try to allay my annoyance about having no house or winter clothes: I shop. I have been online shopping like…like what? I don’t even know an appropriate metaphor. Let’s just say I’ve ordered enough Lilly Pulitzer dresses to host sorority rush. Last year, I felt like I wore yoga pants every day and I knew I could do better. But this amount of Lilly may be aggressive. They all seem too fancy for parent pickup.
What I kept thinking today was “I need more time. I need more hours”. This is AS I WAS WATCHING THE HOURS CLICK BY being yelled at “Bobo Bobo”. I need, really, hours to do my work uninterrupted. But I also need the desire to do it. I know, when I sit down and accomplish something, I feel good. And half the problem is I never get 44 seconds uninterrupted to send an e-mail, answer a call, or pee.
And if I had more hours I would likely just buy more dresses. And shoes. Because last night I went on Zappos.
What is wrong with me? I need a house. I need more babysitting. I need Publisher’s Clearing House to bring me a big check.
And I really, really need a good navy platform heel to match a dress that is just right for parent pick up line…