Making the rounds of the internet (at least according to my husband’s facebook sharing, so maybe more accurately “Making the rounds of my husband’s facebook”) is an excerpt from Gwyneth Paltrow’s blog–in which she and 2 other working moms “just like me” talk about their day and give some super-duper tips on how we can all be more productive. One of the moms is Stella McCartney who has four kids so she’s a little like me, in the four kids and sort of in the last name department, less so in the having oodles of money and free time department. I knew there would be nothing to be gained from reading it, and there’s no need for me to be super snarky because we all know that celebrities lead lives far separate from our own. And to be honest I really really like Gwyneth. So don’t want to bust on her.

So I was really surprised to read the blog and see how close it was to my own life! Here’s how.

Gwyneth’s day on November 4th, 2010

compared to Meghan’s day January 12, 2011

GP: When I got downstairs this morning at the crack of whenever, the coffee machine said “ERROR 8” and wouldn’t let me make the cup I had been dreaming about. This begs the question: is it odd to dream yourself to sleep thinking about the next morning’s coffee? Not a good beginning.

MM: I am up with all four at the crack of 7 ; only three need to be up, the baby was actually sleeping till everyone started yelling and woke her up so now I have to get them ready and also nurse her and pack snacks and feed ‘em…in 20 minutes…and also realize due to snarly hair that no one under 7 has showered  in 3 days but they don’t smell bad and they have fresh underwear so “Get outta bed” “Get Outta BED”  ”GET OUTTA BED” …I am super-duper psyched that I have a new awesome coffee maker given to my husband for Christmas but promptly worked into my own daily routine so I went from being able to say (slightly snottily and superior-ly to others) “I only have one or two cups of coffee a day” to drinking like 90 cups because it’s so easy to push the  little button. My coffee maker works! I win this one, GP.

Got Apple all fed and dressed in her uniform and ready to go but no sign nor sight of Moses at 8 am and we have to be out of the house by 8:20. I went up to arouse the little man from slumber and he quite happily got up and crawled into my arms.

Three kids dressed. Clothes seem clean. One has on tiara. Remove and put in barrette. Another comes out with like 900 beaded necklaces. Remove and send downstairs. Baby still yelling because hungry. Stick in plug. GP might win this one.

We got downstairs and I made him a quick breakfast of eggs and toast followed by a spoonful of lemon flavored flax oil that I try to remember to give them both every morning.

Feed children cereal without milk because that is all they ever want to eat. Don’t really know what lemon flavored flax oil is but 2 of 3 got gummy super hero vitamins and one got antibiotics for her ear infection and I’m 99% sure it was the right one. They’ll get a hot breakfast later but it will be for lunch because one twin only eats waffles as her food group of choice. I’ll be honest here–she’ll get hot breakfast for dinner, maybe, too if things start going sour.  GP wins on paper but do her kids consider lemon flax a win?

Getting everyone into the car on time was a challenge; we’re going through a phase where no one seems to be responding to me (“Time to put on your shoes” … No response.)

Getting everyone to the bus is a MUST DO since the day we missed it because our clock ran out of batteries and I didn’t realize we were late till we were on the end of the street and I saw the bus driver’s tail lights and I SWEAR he drove by super fast without even waiting and we all had to rock it out into the car so I could drop them off, postponing baby-feeding an additional 20 minutes which is not her ideal. I’m not at all surprised that none of them listen to me because I’m used to it though expected to respond instantly to their needs–but I do now feel even more sister-ly towards Gwyneth whose kids ignore her too. Let’s call this one a tie?

Moses was a bit teary today so I hung around and watched him through the window. Periodically he would check to make sure I was still there. When all was well I dodged off as fast as possible but was still late to the 9 am workout. Did dance aerobics for 45 minutes then all of the butt lifts and the like. Rushed upstairs to have a shower, doing my post workout stretch while the conditioner was doing its magic on my hair to combine activities/save time. Dressed quickly and rushed downstairs.

Ok, so this one is like EXACTLY like me except I go to the gym at the end of the day so I’ll skip ahead. I went back to the gym recently after not working out for quite a few months when pregnant. The baby LOVES the gym. LOVES childcare. She shows how much she loves it by screaming her face off from the second I put her in a swing much better than ours (in that it works–our gym childcare is really nice. It has computers, a maze, all this fun stuff for big kids–and baby toys that work unlike the handed-down-from-3-big-sisters stuff the baby deals with at home) She doesn’t care and this doesn’t sway her opinion. I leave her–she’s not crying–go upstairs to run. Run 4 minutes. Get paged. Go down and calm her down. Go back up. Run 5 minutes. Get paged. Go back down. “Big girls” yell “MOMMY LEAVE” because they ARE having fun on billion-dollar-Mac-computers; they’re not even allowed near my much cheaper MacBook at our house. Nurse baby in locker room even though I’m all sweaty (why? I worked out all of 11 minutes)–how gross is this. She’s calm. Put her back in child center. Go run 4 minutes. Get paged. Realize I have to leave anyway because have to pick up other kid at CCD and actually I should have left 5 minutes ago to have any chance of getting there on time. Get everyone out, in car, pick up CCD kid, baby sleeping, great! I can take shower! Take it and realize that not only do I not have super-fancy conditioner like GP I can only find kids’ watermelon shampoo in my shower and use that. Realize as I’m done that husband has used my towel and left on floor to absorb his drips as he shaved post-shower. Streak to get new towel across hallway and hear baby yelling because she woke up and realized I was out of her sight for 3+ minutes.

On a less manic day, this would be my couple of hours in the office to work on GOOP, come up with ideas, write/edit and go over scheduling, travel, whatever else I have going but I have no time so I just pop the old cabeza in to see if there are any deadlines or fires that need putting out. When I am given the all clear I rush out the door, headed to rehearse with a band to prepare for the Country Music Awards which are just a week away.

[Note: at this point GP writes a bunch of stuff about performing which clearly doesn't relate to my non-celebrity self. So I'm deleting it.]

MY manic day was: Get on conference call for work. Multi-task by giving baby a bath while listening. Getting baby dressed. She spits up and it’s too much to “ignore” (meaning–I know it’s there but could get away with pretending I don’t–this was so much that “ignoring” isn’t possible) so get her re-dressed. Hang up on conference call, get on another that I have to participate in. Push mute every five seconds so I can respond then go to silent so they don’t hear baby. They hear her anyway. Open door to let in electrician. Why? Power was out in the two most-used rooms in the house–the family room (tv, ‘nuf said) and kitchen. The very heartbeat of our home was suddenly and inexplicably powerless. Super. Electrician checked the power box. FOUND A DEAD MOUSE. Disgusting. More troubling? That wasn’t even the PROBLEM. Just a sidenote.

As an interesting aside I just read Santa Mouse to both the kindergarten and first grade. I love Santa Mouse. A shout out, here, to Santa Mouse.

But to be clear he is the only mouse welcome with each shiny, tiny, boot in my home. Actual mouse-es who are committing hari-kari, intended or not, in my home are UNWELCOME.

The problem turned out to be an outlet wired wrong that was lying in wait to burn my house down, luckily thwarted by my electrician. The manic-ness continued with the arrival of the exterminator to lay all manner of poison all over the place to avoid infestation (except for Santa Mouse–we love ya dude, stay away from the black boxes). From what I can tell GP dealt with ZERO vermin on her manic day so she’s definitely the winner here.

I’ve never performed live before so I’m preparing for this as if it were the Superbowl, which, in it’s own way, it is. I’ve been having voice lessons with my teacher, Carrie Grant, every day and rehearsing with an amazing London-based band. This will be my fourth and shortest rehearsal of the week, as the day is so full, but I am excited to get in there and see everyone. Had to do my vocal exercises/warmups in the car, sooo not a good look. Fellow drivers looked on a bit bewildered. Rehearsed with the band from 11:30 to 12:30 and then scooted back out to the car and had kind of a big interview on the phone while trying to subtly check/reply to well-overdue email. Got home and had a fitting with super stylist Elizabeth Saltzman for the upcoming Nashville trip (what to wear, what to wear?) from 1-2. This is my 4th out of 5 fittings for this trip. We tried on a myriad of dresses and outfits, and I had b.o. by the end of it from wrestling with all of those dresses. I have six looks I need to choose for the trip; there’s the radio press conference upon arrival, the red carpet for the Country Strong premier, press interviews, a Sony Music VIP dinner, the red carpet for the CMA’s and the outfit for my performance! We manage to finalize all of the looks for the (very nerve wracking) trip.

Ok. That was a lot. I mean, I didn’t have to go through NEARLY this level of aggravation to plan my wardrobe for the weekend ahead: we’d be chilling out and so, I’d wear my jeans. The next day, we’d be chilling out so, I’d put my jeans on again. I think I win? Is it a win if you never have to wear anything more fancy than jeans? I also didn’t have to sing anything. But I did! Because the 80′s station played “Tarzan Boy” so I sang it out really loud to the kids in the car.

At 2 pm I head into my office with a nice cup of tea for two hours of phone interviews. I am doing lots of these this week, but today’s session is only two hours. I call country radio station after country radio station speaking to some of the nicest and friendliest DJ’s on the planet. Thursday is the one day of the week that I do not pick my kids up after school. They go straight to an activity and I am able to really maximize work stuff. I always feel a bit guilty (obviously) about it, but it means I can focus fully on them when they get home instead of trying to do two things at once.

I also try not to over-activity my kids, really, but I do have a trifecta on this day: oldest at Brownies, twins have a play date–I haven’t seen them for a while. I don’t feel guilty about this at ALL. I bang out a TON of work by which I mean I skype my sister, spend 2 hours straight on facebook and watching Grey’s Anatomy on HULU, and then scurry to do the 3 hours of work I do have to do in 20 minutes. Before Brownie gets home.

At 4pm, my weekly owners’ and managers’ call takes place for the Tracy Anderson Method with our brilliant CEO Stephanie Stahl taking the lead. I basically listen and try to learn.

I don’t really know what that meant.

Kiddies burst through the door and play in my office while I finish up, just drawing and hanging out and of course playing Plants vs Zombies on the iPad, their obsession that I have to limit like crazy! What up, gamers.

Again! I’m JUST LIKE GWENYTH but for real here. My kids are constantly busting in on my work calls. Where I’m not like Gwenyth is that they’re not Apple and Moses and I’m not a celebrity so people are less tolerant. Also they don’t have an iPad. They have a 5 year old “VTech” kid computer thing that cost $15.99 and plays like one game. Not even they think it’s fun.)

Then downstairs to make cupcakes for tomorrow’s bake sale. It is ‘Bonfire night’ in the UK tomorrow and the bake sale is to celebrate and to raise money for charity. We decide on vanilla cupcakes with pink icing and green icing (from Tate’s Bakeshop cookbook with the icing from American Desserts cookbook).

We made chocolate chip cookies because God forbid we ever don’t have dessert around here and the kids eat approximately their own body weights in cookie dough, which I forgot to say is the other thing they like to eat besides waffles.

At 6:30 pm we all get in the bath and it’s hair washing night for the kids (every other night—never popular). Then back downstairs to check on cupcakes and have a visit from an auntie and uncle. The kids indulge in a super sugary cupcake before bed but I don’t feel too bad because they had a brown rice stir fry for dinner with baked sweet potato on the side. It’s all about balance!

I feel bad every night because one kid eats crazy amounts of waffles–did I mention?–they ARE whole wheat; another “balances” her cookie dough with dino-nuggets. I don’t know what the heck they would do if I gave them brown rice stir fry. They don’t acknowledge they’re eating chicken and proclaim grilled chicken breasts “disgusting” as they snarf dino-shaped grossness.

My night to lay with Mosey so I tuck Apple in, say a prayer and go into Mosey’s room for a story, foot massage and quiet time.As soon as all was quiet, I rushed downstairs to grab a blazer and some blush and flung myself in the car for girls night. Lovely dinner and great conversation. 11:29 pm now, exhausted and ready to do it all again tomorrow!

Turns out every night is my night to lay with the baby because she won’t sleep on her own and she’s still with us, what kind of a horrid mother am I? So I dream of girls’ night. But I do rub her little baby back and read a book and sip some red wine and actually that’s just as sweet. Seriously. Listening to my “big girl” reading out loud to herself down the hall. That IS nice.

Gwyneth’s time saving tips: And Meghan’s version!!

1. Schedule your time well. When I know what I am doing from hour to hour I get more done. Write it all in the day’s calendar, what you want to accomplish and in what time frame. Then be prepared to have it all go out the window. Don’t be ashamed to, at the end of the day, write down something you accomplished just to cross it out to feel you’ve done something–even if it’s “Wash hair with watermelon shampoo stolen from kids. Successfully streak for towel without UPS guy catching you”. A good tip is don’t leave -10 minutes to get across town and pick up a kid but I personally don’t follow that tip; my daughter, when I asked if she was worried I wasn’t coming to pick her up, answered “No mommy, you’re always late–I know you’re coming but just gonna be late”. Now that’s good training!
2. Focus on the task at hand. Be thorough. Enviable. My version–multi-tasking beyond 4 tasks at once is disaster waiting to happen. Another disaster waiting to happen is kids pouring their own juice from a gallon container. They’ll spill. I mention, because it just happened. While I was multi-tasking.
3. I cook a lot, especially on the weekends, so I like to plan a rough menu for the whole weekend and get the food in on Friday. Obviously stores and websites that deliver make this a dream. In London I use Ocado. Also James Knight, my favorite fishmonger, will deliver. Having all of the ingredients means I’m prepared even when I don’t think I am. Meghan says, make sure you have dino nuggets. And a spare box in the back-up freezer. Also I find it convenient to buy wine by the case. I don’t have a US favorite fishmonger so you’re on your own. I will advise that flavor blasted goldfish are delicious. Particularly with a nice cabernet.
4. I always lay the kids uniforms and school things out the night before once they are asleep. When it’s quiet I can check the “kid list” for show and tell items to bring in, consent forms, ballet kit, etc, so that the morning is less of a scramble. I lay out clothes, too, actually–because otherwise the tiaras etc actually get worn. I like to ensure that in public my kids don’t look like ragamuffin weirdos. All bets are off when they get home. My morning usually consists of yelling WHO HAS LIBRARY TODAY PUT ON YOUR SHOES BRUSH YOUR TEETH WHERE ARE YOUR SNEAKERS all the while my oldest tries to read her homework book out loud. As she’s supposed to do. Each night.
5. The school run is a great time to return calls (in whichever direction that the kids are not in the car) so don’t forget your hands-free device. Totally agree. Baby does not. She thinks the school run is a great time to yell her face off in parent pick up line.

Me and Gwyneth. Peas in a pod.