Posts Tagged ‘working mothers’

Conference Calls

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

Are there work-at-home parents out there that actually succeed in getting their children to respect their work at home arrangements? If so, please give me tips. Please.

For things here have gone nuts. I remember reading (or maybe watching) a story about a woman who had started a cookie business in her house and when it was time for her to bake, she’d hang a cookie-jar-of-construction-paper sign on the kitchen door to let the family know it was baking time and she was not to be disturbed. Then she’d bake and, shockingly, HER CHILDREN DIDN’T DISTURB HER.

Let’s take a reality check of what would happen at my house. My children would not disturb me for 3.4 seconds. Then all three of them, even if previously gainfully and calmly employed in playtime activities, would launch themselves into the kitchen. One would fall on the floor and immediately begin kicking and screaming (any one, though likely smallest twin) and the others would stick parts of themselves (faces, hands, etc) into the cookie batter rendering it unfit for sale even after high-temperature baking. And they’d start yelling about wanting to stir and crack eggs and the like; when we make cookies now, for our family, the 5 minute process has to be split into maybe 5,608 steps so that everyone can feel included and it takes seven hours. Though no one seems to care about being included in the “clean up” step.

Ok, so that would be if I ran a cookie business. Which I do not. Instead I do marketing consulting (and Detours) from home. My tasks: writing on the computer, emailing, and of late, many conference calls. NONE of these items are interesting to my children. So you would think they could involve themselves in any one of myriad activities around my house – toys, games, blah blah blah. But the only time they can be reliably counted upon to play by themselves and not fight is about 7:55 at night, when they’ll enter into an enriching and fulfilling game RIGHT before we have to stop them to go to bed.

So what happens? Inevitably I get on a conference call (and let’s back up a second to say that half the time these are rescheduled or postponed with a minute lead time so if I’ve gotten them occupied with a show or something, then I have to let them watch it – because they don’t relate to me turning off the tv and saying “We’ll reschedule your show for my call”.) And they begin to yell. I have a phone with a mute button THANK GOD because otherwise clients and customers far and wide would hear “Mommy wipe my bottom” not once not twice but THREE times per call; my children’s bathroom habits seemed tied directly to the phone in some obscure way. I mute and wipe, I mute and carry yellers down to the basement playroom and slam the door – and lately, I have to mute and carry my computer, notebook, phone, and pregnant belly up the stairs to my room – where I lock the door – and then go into my closet – close the door – and carry on the business that allows me to work from home. Surrounded by smelly sneakers, my husband’s pajama bottoms discarded on the closet floor, etc. GLAMOUR.

Yesterday, sitting in my closet abode like a troll or a hobbit or something, I was blabbing away (after listening to my children fight and fight and fight all afternoon) with the doors securely locked and I heard them knocking. Knocking. Knocking. No one was SCREAMING, just the knocking (I already told them that the next time someone screamed outside my door, it better be because a body part had fallen off) and I ignored it. It eventually stopped. I finished my call, and came out…and they were all calmly not fighting and playing in a bedroom, all on their own, peacefully and happily. I think it was less because I had let them hash it out and more because they sensed the call had come to an end. I was done working. So then why not be quiet and play?

Here are the other bits of advice I have gotten from other working moms:

One, my accountant friend, went through such a crunch at tax time that her children became absolutely fluent in Spanish. Dora related, sure, but come on! It’s another language!

My other marketing friend has taken plenty a call from her Toyota Sienna. If Toyota’s current safety problems persist, they may want to go with the “It’s a soundproof office in your driveway” approach.

And then there is the old cop-out: hire a babysitter.

The thing is, when my sitter is here, INEVITABLY there are no calls to make or receive. And I end up saying what am I paying for here? I beg my children (they don’t ever remember their side of the bribe); I threaten them (“Mommy will have to go work in an office!”) – they don’t care. So I guess I’ll just continue as I am. In the fall they’ll all be in school for part of the time, so that will help. I’ll have a new baby – but surely he/she will know not to cry during calls?

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Role Models

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

I just read an interesting perspective on how our views of good mommies change as we become them ourselves (or at least become mommies and doubt the good part). As Kristen points out when we are in the situation the faxed homework seems normal when before, as a casual (or judgemental) observer, it seemed the embodiment of bad parenting. You never know what you’ll do until you’re in a situation – of course, for instance, your hypothetical child will eat veggies and fruit, will never have more than one cookie, and will clean up each activity upon finishing it; your actual 4 1/2 year old twins will only eat chicken nuggets shaped like dinos, leave a party on a sugar high induced by 6 cookies, and will be the on the receiving end of daily mommy tantrums to “CLEAN UP THIS STY”. Not that I have any experience in this regard.

We do grow older and wiser (and maybe more tolerant of dino-based diets) but this article about bosses and role models also made me think, when paired with a conversation I had with a friend over the weekend who is considering mommy-hood and wondering about its effect on her career. She is at the crossroads of “Do I stay at my job for the benefits or look now before I have a child?” I remember staying at a job I should have left. SHOULD HAVE LEFT. But I knew that since I’d worked for my boss, a woman, loyally and kept everything in the department afloat for 3 1/2 years, that I’d have some freedom after having a baby – perhaps I could telecommute a couple of days. I knew where I stood.

Until I came back and found out where I stood was in quicksand. Without kids I was a loyal employee who stayed all night cleaning up messes and shouldering all the work. With me gone on 8 weeks of maternity leave, the emperor was exposed without clothes – and the productivity of the department came crashing down. I came back to fix messes, and messes there were – and long story short, the job I’d loved turned into a nightmare (an earlier post included the gory details; friends who lived through it, with me, laughed at the post and thought maybe I shouldn’t have it “out there”, in cyberspace…so catch me over a glass of wine and I can fill you in if you’re interested!)

The lessons I learned were 1, never to count on a job that’s not in writing, or flexibility that’s not guaranteed…even if you’ve seen others enjoy it. But 2, never to feel trapped. Because I did; I remember sitting at my kitchen table crying, thinking, “I want to spend time with this little baby I have, but how can I get a job that will let me do that?” I thought I had no options…until I quit, and consulted, and options came along. And 3, make a plan for a career that is shifting and changing and takes into account the shifts and changes of life. That’s what I’m trying to advise my friend…to do what’s right for her and let the career pieces fall…because as awful as the last days of that bad job were, thank goodness I got kicked in the tush and the door hit me on the way out, because otherwise I might have stayed and sacrificed my life and ethics for a place that wasn’t worth it. I think to a later job, that I threw out there “I can travel a ton! I can be your go-to girl!” AGAIN, thank goodness it didn’t work; I’ve watched my girls grow up (fueled by dino chicken) and for me, this is the right choice.

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Flexibility and the Economy

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

I was reading a blog post the other day on flexibility in the workplace and one of the very first comments, as it always seems to be, is that with the new realities of the economy many companies will likely reduce the possibilities for flexibility. So depressing to think of but I just don’t understand WHY that necessarily needs to be the case.

I’m not saying anything new here to point out that everyone, in an age of layoffs, is working much harder. So perhaps on the side you want to start an endeavor that “feeds your soul”. Or perhaps you want to have dinner with your kids and then do 2 hours of work after they’re in bed. If at the end of the day, you are productive, I don’t understand why the economy affects that-because jobs are so few and far between that we should all be happy to have what we have? I really don’t think we’re back at that yet, are we? And are companies so short sighted that they are willing to wring what they can out of people for short term gain?

There are so many people that I meet through the course of Detours&OnRamps who don’t look for new jobs, and stay where they are (perhaps making less) because a company bent over backwards for them when they came back after a maternity leave. Or even because a company met them halfway. You know someone in that situation-perhaps you ARE someone in that situation. Loyalty seems to me to be what companies should strive for? And how many companies can say that a little bit of flexibility yields a LOT of loyalty-and productivity-in return? I’d venture to say ANY company that employs flexibility could say that.

Here’s a great article I just read…and my favorite line from it, is “It will be tough to convince very good people to work for organizations that do not allow flexible work”. Because what is flexible? I don’t think a lot of folks these days are looking for the opportunity to be paid full-time for 8-12 hours of work. The women (and it’s largely women, but men too) that I talk to day-to-day for Detours are working a lot more than 40 hours (and I’m not including all the work of raising kids). In fact, I remember recently sitting at a meeting with a consulting client. They asked how much I wanted to work, and I looked back over recent weeks and (shockingly, even to myself) realized that I’d been working about 65 hours a week (including time after kids were in bed, weekends, etc). I was on my computer ALL DAY for Detours projects, marketing consulting work, this and that. I don’t feel like I am working that much, except for the days that I TOTALLY do. But the point is there’s some flexibility and I make it work-and the productivity is there.

I think another interesting thing in this article is the point that a lot of people hold multiple jobs. I remember the woman that worked for me at my last “real gig” made about $1500 a month selling Arbonne–on top of her Marketing Manager job. My cousin makes if not half, at least a third of her income freelancing art projects on the side. Two examples and I know there’s so many more. (And if playing Rock Band was a job, my husband would have that front and center on his resume). It’s either supplementing a salary, a chance to do what you love, or whatever reason-but points to the fact that companies in some fashion have to adapt-regardless of a bad economy, you can’t “unring the bell” after people get used to doing things on the side (that aren’t a conflict), etc.

Speaking of unring the bell-when the gas prices were so high and companies were encouraging more folks to work from home, and it totally worked, than why would a “bad economy” make telecommuting less viable? I just think it is so old-school-thinking to automatically equate “work from home” with “slacking off”. Telecommuting is completely doable for almost every job. So why such a struggle to make it happen?

At the end of the day this article at least made me feel that there were some other people thinking the same way-and hopefully, even the bad (but improving??) economy won’t negate all the progress we’ve made with work-life balance.

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